we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
