If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
handjob tips. give me some.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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