it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
