if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
