I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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