When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
