So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
