After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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