I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
