He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
