Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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