i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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