...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
