There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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