she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
