"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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