My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
