I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
