That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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