sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
