I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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