Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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