i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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