I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Randomize
