Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
