nut hugger
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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