ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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