i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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