In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
