My cat gives me a boner
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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