Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
