Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
