he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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