at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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