so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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