I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I love you. Go after that dick
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
