So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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