Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
