chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
