Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
