im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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