I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
