i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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