Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
