We won't sleep together?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
