yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
