Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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