Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
ok first of all what the fuck
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
