oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
