marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
