Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
