We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
