epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
