Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
