apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
