I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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