dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
