there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I should be sponsored by Trojan
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
