i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
