and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
