If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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