I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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