Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
