You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
