Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
