My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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