They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
