i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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