tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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