My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I looked at my own cervix.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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