Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
