Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
