dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
