I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
