this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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