it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize