You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
