Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
