the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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