Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
