there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
