Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize