my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
