I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
