Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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