Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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