Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
