Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
