Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
