I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize