My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
