It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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