I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
its liver damage thursday
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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