Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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