Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
