Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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