I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm like, not good at living.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
