tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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