Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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